Whimp, whimp a nasty whimp!

As i sit and watch the film Saving Silverman I'm reminded of how many times in my life I have seen men pussy whipped. I have at one point been there too, so I can't judge too harshly, oh wait, yeah I can! I'm sorry, but how many times have you gone to blockbuster and seen the helpless guy following his girlfriend around the store agreeing on every chic flic she picks up.

About 3, or 4 months ago I was hanging out drinking with the usual crowd at the usual location and a couple comes in who apparently had a friend drinking with us. It was almost painful to see the events of the night unfold. This guy couldn't take a piss without asking this girl for permission. I tried offering him a beer and inviting him without the girlfriend over to play a drinking game, but he said no thanks and proceeded to give her a foot massage. A FOOT MASSAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At a fucking kick back!!!! I'm sorry, but what the fuck happend to the testosterone level in this guy?

Therefore I propose an event if any of our guy friends find themselves in this position. As his fellow friends it is our duty to steal him away from the clutches of this pit of despair and plan the following events.

1. Get him extremely drunk
2. Find some way to put breasts in his face (not his girlfriend's)
3. Feed him a big hamburger to ease the drunk munchies
4. Get him extremely drunk again
5. Punch him as hard as you can in his right eye (allow him to defend himself too)
6. Help him puke if he needs do, or subdue him if needed
7. Take plenty of pictures of the entire night
8. Display the pictures at a social event where his girlfriend is attending

If you follow these steps I will guarantee you things will change for the better. He will finally wake up and realize life does not start and stop at her whim. If not, give me a call. Chances are you fucked something off. Either way it should be a good night.

I salute you, person who works out in shopping areas........

I was sitting at a coffee shop in Seattle (I'll let you guess which one) that was a part of an enormous shopping "village" this past Sunday. It was a nice day so I decided to sit outside. While drinking my over priced coffee I glanced up at a woman heading my direction. Her arms were moving with a stern purpose, but she was not jogging, she was "speed walking." As she zoomed past me going a fierce 3mph I thought of her mental process in choosing this "village" shopping center as the best place to get her workout. Not long after that I saw a guy just kind of running through the same area without his shirt on. I bet it made all the ladies day to see that hairy man run past with his cool sunglasses and very short shorts. When the woman made her 3rd lap past me I decided to get up and leave and dedicate a blog entry to her.

We have all seen it in one form, or another. My favorite is the group of elderly women that do laps in shopping malls. Don't get me wrong, I fully endorse people exercising for a healthier life. Especially in our society. I just think some people should stay fully clothed and stay away from areas where we all eat, drink, and shop.

Now for the fun part. Here's my list of adjectives/characteristics of these fortunate few.

attention whores, way too comfortable with their bodies, usually like short/small/tight clothing, thinks less clothing is better, equates public sweating to flirting, sometimes brings a shirt just so they can let it hang from their shorts (in an effort to say "I'm working out so hard and I didn't have a choice, but to take off my shirt because I ran so far and I'm so hot"), the guys who completely shave their chest, they think wearing a hat backwards is somehow "cooler," they have a subscription to either women's health or men's health, they always drink orange juice in the morning, they have a subscription to both ikea and crate & barrel catalogs, they only shop at the gap, they can't be seen without sunglasses during the day, they jog and run in place at a traffic lights, they think they look good in spandex (this ain't true for anybody unless you are a centerfold), arrogant, yuppie, wannabe yuppie, prefer to meet the opposite sex at clubs and the gym, and finally they are the type that will go to Starbucks right after completing their workout.

The Winner is C-Dizzle, with his comment "Where's Waldo?" The runner up is Monica with her comment, "Ah, So you've seen the movie a day without a Mexican too." In a strong third place is Mr. Bass with "bags kitchen one week before paddle sig time." Thanks for playing, until next time..............

YOU KNOW THE GAME

Make a caption and I'll announce the winner shortly thereafter.

I salute you, tabloid subscriber person.

As many of us have seen just about everytime we go anywhere, tabloids are everywhere. These media geniuses have survived and thrived since the days of yellow journalism and muckracking. Today I went to a gas station and caught a glimpse of the tabloids and read the usual headlines. There is always one headline about some celebrity doing something (or someone). This made me wonder about the kind of people who actually subscribe to these magazines. I say subscribe because it dawned on me that I would be more embarrassed to buy it in public than receive it in the mail (it also takes less effort to get it out of your mailbox).

I couldn't help but try and imagine the type of person who would have such an interest in a tabloid subscription. I'm going to go ahead and throw out some adjectives/characteristics and you guys can either add to the list, or debate them.

Overweight, lonely, has many cats, lives in a hot climate, lives in a trailer, wears a one piece garment of some type (maybe a jumper, or one piece dress), predominately female, might have a small dog of some type, watches Oprah everyday, thinks Jerry Springer should be President, thinks Judge Judy should be on the Supreme Court, often calls Ms. Cleo, wears large bifocal glasses, eats a bowl of Special K with a cup of sugar and chocolate syrup, thinks perfume is best worn on every inch of their body, at least at one point had a mullet, shops solely at the monster that is Wal-Mart, has an entire drawer (in their kitchen and work desk) devoted to chocolate, puts the trash bags by the front door instead of taking them to the dumpster, thinks day time TV is better than prime time TV, their highlight of the day is when they can flip between Entertainment Tonight and Access, and finally drinks slimfast while eating a bucket of fried chicken because the label says you can drink it with anything.